Wife plays a cruel joke on husband for Kanye West tickets for Valentine's Day. She has to tell him that their son is not really his to win the tickets. She has to get him to tell her that he still loves her.
When you're in the midst of a bad situation, all can you really feel is pain, sadness, hurt, or anger. You can hear the words of others, see them swimming around you but you can never grasp them in your hand or hold it tightly in your fist.
You know what you're supposed to do, but all of your instincts drive against it. You know you shouldn't be causing a scene and you know you shouldn't be letting anything bog you down. "You shouldn't give a damn", that's what Belle and the cute ninja with the doe eyes told me. I heard them and knew they were right but I could not listen. Even though I desperately wanted my heart to switch course and heed their advice, my mind was too weak and the heart won.
These images flash in my mind like a nightmare but the more I think about them, the less they affect me. The more I can force myself to look back and truly, feel deep down, that I don't care, the happier I feel.
So say "eeeee" and smile, because we all know when you physically smile, your mood automatically lightens up. It's a natural human process and I've been applying it like a religious duty.
I'm training myself now to be stronger, and for once in my life, I think it's working. I can feel it. I can feel a part of me slipping away, the part that's always held me down. And the wonderful thing is, I can do this all without putting up a barrier to shield me. I'm just now learning to not care so much.
______________
Also, Shirely it'll be okay. You're going to get to see him someday & it'll be great when you do. I love you!!!
These moments always come too late, after all the screaming, yelling, and crying; the damage, already done. But these reflection periods are my best moments; you may not appreciate how delayed they are, but I promise, you will appreciate their effects. These moments are the ingredients to a miracle, a reawakening of something long gone, something you thought dead. But I'll prove you wrong. I'll make a miracle happen. My heart beats slower and steadier now, falling back in sync with the rhythms of life. My mind is clearer now, emerging from the fog of bitterness and selfishness. As trees reach to the sky, I will too, but I cannot do it alone. Take my hand, hold it tight, and leap with me. I'll turn to you and say, "Doesn't the moon look beautiful tonight?" And you'll kiss my cold lips and say "yes", your acceptance of my apology.
I go by the name of Kiwi, or variations of it. I don't live anywhere near New Zealand, despite the fact that I've been asked that 10 times too many. Instead, I reside in the Queen City of NC where I'm stuck in the depths of Asian hell. But it's alright, I'll be out soon enough.
"lmao"
This is my boyfriend, Chris. Isn't he so cute?! =D 12.22.06 ♥ 2 years & going
Music Notes
Not on autoplay
further notes
best viewed in Firefox
background made by Kiwi
coding by Kiwi
